Ugly Betty Snydrome?

I rarely watch TV these days. Recently, as I was looking to see what’s on, I ended up watching a whole episode of Ugly Betty on the TV Guide channel. Ha.

The basic plot line was nothing out of the ordinary. Betty has a crush on this musician in her building throughout the whole episode, only to find her pretty coworker, Amanda, making out with him at the end. Betty is obviously upset at Amanda for stealing the dude, but she also feels defeated, thinking, of course the guy would pick Amanda, she is prettier.

Then Amanda says,

“You know, Betty, you’re lucky. When someone falls in love with you, it’s real. I have never had that. I never know if I’m loved for who I am or because I’m so pretty.”

What the freaks. Terrible comforting words .. wow.

At the same time, I do think like that too. “Maybe he doesn’t like me, I’m not as pretty as (blank), etc.” All these comparisons. Why do I do that. I know looks is not the only reason of why a boy would like a girl. And if it is, would I want him anyway?

Sometimes I feel like other variables may have replaced “looks” for young adults. Yeah, looks is still important, but I hate the reality that relationships for the adult world can become a mathematical equation of steady income, future outlook, family background, children skills, blah blah blah.

Of course, it should no longer just be about the butterflies in our stomaches like at the 8th grade dance, but I want to believe that special connection between a boy and a girl still exists. I believe God has a special person for me, for us. It has to be more than just a “comfortable” and “stable” life. It has to be!!

Yes, of course I want to marry a “good” guy, but I don’t want to be with someone just because he is a good guy. There are great guys who may not be fitting for me! People say you can learn to love somebody if you die to yourself. That is probably true, but marriage is hard work, so I’m sure there will be plenty of days when I will have to learn that. I want someone that I was meant to be with, you know? Is that too idealistic these days?

I guess we’ll find out when I’m 50 or something.

LBS Answers.. and more.

Unfortunately, I did not get many answers to my LBS questions..

Just to clarify, it was NOT a date. It was not supposed to be a date. It was more of a “thank you for being nice to me, I owe you one” kind of dinner.

Here is what happened.

We went to eat sushi. We talked about a myriad of topics; it was actually an intellectually stimulating conversation. At one point, he explained to me exactly what happened to cause the economy to fail in 2008. It is no easy feat to explain AIG credit-default swap and its regulation and etc; I was impressed that I understood, and even more so that he explained in a way that I could understand and find it interesting! Props.

Then we talked about what it means to be a relevant Christian in this world at large. He said he used to be a “Jesus Freak” in high school, meaning he wore Jesus Freak shirts and passed out tracks to people. He realized that it was not effective. It’s not an effective witness to be a complete freak, because the act itself promoted self-glorification more than Jesus. The mentality was wrong; it was not about God or the other people at all, but more about “look at me being a Jesus Freak”. We don’t bring people to Christ just because we are “so different”. He said it’s important to be a normal person too, that it’s okay to crack Seinfeld jokes and laugh at stupid things, because when you hang around someone long enough, there will be times when they need help, and that’s when you help them, but with the love of Christ.

I was amazed at this simple insight. How often do we “beat” ourselves up when really, we are just being self-righteous? When non-Christians find it hard to be our friends because they can’t relate to us, do we just write it off as “suffering with Christ because the world will turn us away”? It really made me think. What IS my witness? Is my witness attractive? Or am I just a complete freak? For someone from the outside to look at my life, would they WANT to be a Christian? Would they WANT to get to know the God that I know and love? Or, do I just look miserable? Are they able to see the peace I have in my heart? Or the grace that I can experience everyday? Or do they just hear me being too “busy” in my commitment to the church to tend to my family/friend relationships? Seriously made me think.

Since he seemed blunt and very straightforward, I explained that I was a little thrown off when he first asked me, because no one really phrases it like that around here and it seemed a little strong. He found it absurd that guys can’t have dinners with girls, or that guys can’t be friends with girls. I explained that both are not the case. “It’s just…. “, I couldn’t word it right. Then he said this: if he was asking a girl out on a date, the girl would know it was a date.

I think a light bulb went on here. Maybe this is it!

In other places, people are more open and honest with their intentions. I like you, and I would like to take you out to dinner to get to know you better. A player is a label for someone who is not honest with their intentions.

Maybe the fear of dating/initiating creates a culture where it is really hard for honest intentions to be expressed. In fact, the intentions are usually suppressed or hidden. While the guy is praying and thinking about the possibility, the girl supposedly has no idea. In wanting to do the right thing, be honorable before God, avoid hurting either party and prevent drama, the guy resort to getting to know the girl through more indirect means. Even though he tries to “just be friends”, it’s easy to become passive-aggressive and wishy-washy; the guy will probably send mixed signals.

If the girl is not interested, he can come off as creepy. Even if the girl is interested, or would have been open to the possibility, at best he is too confusing to really consider.

I don’t know. There is something to be said about being wise with your opposite gender relationships, so there are no emotional/physical attachments. But, there is also something to be said about simply being honest with your intentions so you can have healthy opposite gender relationships.

I’m sure girls don’t really make it easy either, though. I know I have the tendency to throw up red flags and become cold as stone, therefore explaining my initial reaction to the dinner request. Perhaps with good intentions of guarding my heart (Proverbs 4:23), but maybe I need to re-evaluate and learn to take a chill pill. Not everything is about me, and not everyone is in love with me. (Darn..) It’s really possible for a guy to compliment a girl and genuinely mean it without it being suggestive.

This is the longest entry ever, but there’s another one coming about personality tests and career choices – inspired by this book I’m reading through. SO INTERESTING! I’m really excited :D