Unpredictable.

The lyrics on my mind for the past 24 hours:

“Oh, no, You never let go,
through the calm and through the storm.
Oh, no, You never let go,
in every high and every low.
Oh, no, You never let go;
Lord, You never let go of me.”

I found out yesterday, mainly due to our team reporting to a different director now, that if I choose to use personal leave for my SMP Africa trip, I will probably be losing my job. The previous VP had thought it should be looked at no different than people taking maternity leave, but the previous VP is no longer with the company. The new director says it would set a bad precedence, for people to leave for any reason. I understand; it makes sense.

I’m okay with losing my job, actually; I’m ready to start a new chapter of my life and explore the possibilities. But, still, losing the security of steady income, while having just signed my lease next year to stay in Champaign, makes me slightly uneasy. I know that it’s going to be fine. My biggest worry right now is that my parents will misunderstand this. I don’t want them to interpret it as me choosing missions over responsibilities (job). This is not true, but I have committed to the team and they have already bought the ticket. I have to believe that this is all within God’s hand, too.

It has been my original desire to be able to train with the team full-time during intensive, and also, to be able to visit my grandmother in Beijing sometime in the fall. Now, it looks like I actually will be able to do both! =) Answered prayers, for sure. But as I am working out my budget for the fall, I realize I will have no choice but to dip into my savings. Why does this hurt? I can’t help it but see the security of a padded savings account gives me. Is God trying to take this away too? I hope I’m not a money-hogger, because, money is meant to be used, right? So, it makes sense that I’d eventually use it, right?

How long will it be until I find my next job? What will my next year look like? Gosh, my life has been changing way too fast since April. I thought May was going to be less dramatic, but nope, life stays unpredictable!

Praying…and please pray for me!

“Tentmakers”

My new project is to dig in to the Bible and see what it really says about work, calling, vocation, etc.

One, because I talk a lot about “figuring out my calling” and do very little in going to the Bible for that. Two, my understanding of work + ministry right now is very conflicting; sometimes I just end my frustrated thoughts with “maybe I will be a stay-at-home mom and avoid all this junks”. Not because it is an easier role, just that it seems more “reconciled” in my head with where the work/calling/ministry aspects intersect.

Anyway, some notes from this message on being a tentmaker from P. John Piper.

1. First, as believers in Christ, you are God’s chosen people.

2. Second, as God’s people you are aliens and exiles in the secular world.

3. Third, God wants you there (1 Peter 2:13) and he wants your goals for being there to be different from those around you:

- the excellence of the products or services you render in your job shows the excellence and greatness of God.

- the standards of integrity you follow at your job show the integrity and holiness of God.

- the love you show to people in your job shows the love of God.

- the stewardship of the money you make from your job shows the value of God compared to other things.

- the verbal testimony you give to the reality of Christ shows the doorway to all these things in your life and their possibility in the lives of others.